Parenting: A Calling
Today while I was feeding my girl her porridge, I remembered a chat with my buddies.
A: Why can’t you have dinner with us?
D: Because no one else does a better job than me at feeding C. I own that role. Until she proves that she can feed herself, or doesn’t need me.
A: It’s only for a short while, they will outgrow it.
All the more I should treasure the fleeting moments when someone is counting on me.
Fast forward to the feeding routine. C is getting harder to feed as she knows how to turn her head away when she’s had enough.
Even when she’s barely started. So I don’t know if she’s hungry and being picky or if she’s really done.
I ponder what is the reason that can possibly make a carefree person want to become a parent.
I repeated the cackling laughter for the 10th time while pretend-drinking from her bottle she offered me, just to keep her entertained long enough to slip in another mouthful of porridge before she starts refusing again.
Why do I want to have a child?
Because I want to form a family.
Why do I want to form a family?
Because I don’t want life to stop at couplehood.
Why don’t I want to remain as just a couple?
Because I see room for growth as a parent.
Why do I see room for growth as a parent?
Because adult managing adult relationship is no different from other areas.
Why seek a difference from adult interaction?
Because I have a soft spot for little humans. They seem to like me, I sometimes like them back.
Why do I like little humans?
Because I can disable the second-guess mode and let my guard down.
Why do I let my guard down?
Because little humans don’t judge with malicious intent.
Why do I like humans that don’t judge with malicious intent?
Because I can then focus on enjoying positive moments with them.
Why do I want positive moments with them?
Because I see life as a passage of time be it positive or negative. Grown ups tend to have baggage.
Why need your own child if any positive human will suffice as company?
Because I want to nurture one of my own upbringing that I can secretly feel proud of.
Why do I want to nurture a child to be proud of?
Because I want to let the light continue to shine from one generation to the next.
Finding a bigger purpose than myself, planting a seed and loving it up so it becomes a tree that provides shelter to others to make a useful ecosystem.
That’s why I can take on the second shift of sitting up to an hour at a time clowning and feeding.
That’s why I can change poo-stained diapers with the back of my hand sometimes scraping some residue off her butt.
That’s why I can share my bed with her knowing I have to sleep on alert so as to avoid crushing her.
That’s why I can go to bed at 4am and hop up to help her brush her teeth at 7.30am.
That’s why I can get out of the house and teach her to use the kick scooter just before dinner time.
That’s why I can let her run the ink marker over my legs without getting mad.
Mr Brown will be proud to know, the day he published this article, it awakened a calling in me that I want to create moments I will be proud of, no matter how small the win.
I invite you to go through this thinking exercise so that you too can be at peace with your situation now that a child is in your life.